flaws started keeping list hotel need complete makeover el conquistador, poster resort way past prime, good thing remodeling, things noticably good, lots bad, list starting good main complaint food drink prices, guess resort taking free market competition drives prices kind expect, el gone mad, 2-person meal wine 100 restaurants no bargain places, small drinks pool private island 8, no escape purchase over-priced bottle liquor wine make drinks, good luck doing beach private island, attempted order pizza dominoes pizza hut said el security prevents delivery, breakfast 25 does idea bad place, room chips stains including couch lampshades walls floors, small mildew shower, tv _jambox_ circa 1995 awful, particular outing ice 5th floor ice machine broken 4th floor, finally ice floor n't help notice stairwell light dangerous ice machines completely different, nitpick, yes, supposed 5-star resort.when trying rent car night hell car rental guy skipped 15 minutes early dooming night trapped resort, later rentals 24 hours 80 economy not worth it.the service not really bad incident waited 30-45 minutes corkscrew wine glasses asking separate workers finally bar near casino, took 5 minutes.there no wireless internet technophile like major pain, wired internet hotel room prevented sitting balcony laptop, internet 15 day.the gift shops overpriced pretty crappy, looked like shelves dusty random items placed shelves, separate occassions noticed cigar humidor doors sitting wide open dries cigars, bring own.the activities expensive, frankly did n't trust hotel provide good value money cancelled scuba diving session, private island cool guess ferries prompt fast recent improvement learned, horseback riders went point noticed n't beach walking slowly controlled single-file line, think going ride horse freely beach forget, beach nasty seaweed jagged coral rocks pretty attempted walk, hardly anybody water.the casino small no texas hold-em poker, just mindless games chance.all gift shops restaurants took paper records purchases, point swipable card gave not charge things room, way cards names printed black black background waiters service people ask, nitpick demonstration lack attention, added got annoying supposed having good time.the final straw place suckiness unexpected 132 charge people shuttle service airport, nothing worse hate completely unexplained unanticipated charges especially ones obvious money-grab.the best resort infinity pool technically limits el guests, las casitas people golf villas site, expect el staff nobody cared noticed just walked right, actually good.the line choosing resort submitting price gouging crappiness, travelling companion agreed puerto rico probably best 5 star hotel near san juan, way competitive forces able walk street twice-as-nice half-as-expensive steakhouse not mention things like rainforest tours scuba start positive effect.avoid el costs, seriously,